Well, I was going to tell you today about my amazing vision for solving the MPs expenses scandal, but current events have overtaken me, and we now know what is going to happen. So, I will not tell you about my grand scheme to reuse part of the Olympic village for MP accommodation after 2012; that they only get travel reimbursed if they are travelling on MP business, including one trip from their constituency to London each week; and everything must be accompanied by a receipt. In short, they get the same deal that every other employed person gets, apart from the perk of their free accommodation in the Olympic village.
Instead, I am just going to regurgitate some wonderful examples of how not to write, illustrated by writing in the way that you should not write. Enjoy!
- Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat)
- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- No sentence fragments.
- Contractions are not necessary and shouldn’t be used.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
And finally…