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SJL saw me through my 'O' levels, not that I found them difficult, but she gave me something to take my mind off the pressure that the school put on its pupils to perform well. When I started my 'A' levels, my first school report for chemistry said, "He appears to have lost some of his 'O' level spark." I had, because that was when SJL dumped me. When I thought about it, I wasn't surprised. Our range of interests did not overlap much and I did not have, and have never developed, a taste for parties and socialising, which she was beginning to do. I think she genuinely wanted to be friends, but it was more than I could bear, because so long as she continued to see me I always hoped, even expected, that sooner or later she would take me back. I remember the letter clearly, and the date: February 8th 1978. Did
I mention that we wrote to each other as well as saw each other regularly?
Well, every week for those two and a half years we wrote to each other.
Maybe that is another |
reason she dumped me: letter fatigue.
The letter just said we should stop going out together, but could we still
be friends. I went for a very long cycle ride that evening and ended up
somewhere halfway between London and Brighton, at dusk, with no lights
on my bike, before I thought to turn round and go home. We did see each
other for a few weeks after, but it was no good for me so I stopped. The
agony did not end though. She still came to see her grandfather most weeks
and I would stare out of my window whenever I was in, hoping to catch
a glimpse of her. For years after, and I mean years, every time I saw
her my pulse raced, my mouth went dry and I wanted to cry - sometimes
I did. |
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